Lose control of your life

27May
family

Last night I had a dream in which I was falling from the sky at full speed and was about to smash my face into a gray concrete road. I don’t know about you, but every time I dream that I’m about to die, I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart pumps hard, and when I wake I’m relieved to find that I was just dreaming.

Last night it was very different. As I was falling, I started to say within myself, “There is no fear, there is only love — Love only and only love.”

My magic mantra didn’t stop me from hitting the ground. In fact, I hit the ground so hard, that the road broke into pieces. Mercedes, the body died, but my soul was still alive: vibrant, exultant and awake.

This dream was profound, because I could see the other side of fear. I can only talk for myself, and I know, that no matter how much inner work I do, as long as I am in a human body, I will experience fear.

I feel fear in extreme situations, like when I surf big waves and the ocean seems like a dragon, trying to swallow me. I also feel fear in the smallest tasks of my daily life. I feel fear when I think that I’ve said the wrong thing to someone, I feel fear when my husband leaves the house and drives to work, I feel fear when I can’t see the success that I so want to have in my career, I feel fear that my mother may die. I feel fear that I won’t be one hundred percent honest with myself and in the blogs that I write.

Fear is such a strong force that it can stop you from moving forward in your life.

The funny thing about fear is that it hides. Many times, we are not conscious of its presence in our lives and we allow it to manage our every move. We can’t tackle it, because we can’t see it. We just allow it to stay there under the carpet and hope that it will pass. The problem is that fear feeds itself on more fear, so when we avoid it, hide it and try to dismiss it, we are feeding it, and we end up growing more fearful.

I have discovered a new way to deal with my fear, and I’d like to share it with you.

I hope my experience will help you to open a door in your own life and discover for yourself what works best for you. Don’t just take my words and believe they are true for you, because they are only true to me. You may need to take another approach in your life.

Nevertheless, what has been working very well for me is to look fear in the eye. Then I ask the fear, “Who are you and what do you want to teach me?”

Once I can identify what I’m afraid of, I visualize a bright, loving light surrounding my fear and lifting it up to the sky. I give my fear to my Higher Power, that force of unconditional love that lies in everything.

I’ve found out that most of our fears are about control. For example, if we get afraid of not having enough money in the future, it is because we want to have our income and our security under our own control. We want to control our happiness, our lessons, and every step of our future. And, guess what? The more we try to control our lives the more fear will control us.

I learned a lesson about giving up control early in my life. I was fifteen years old and my dad came home from work just an hour after he’d left the house. His face had a pale-greenish tint and his strong body looked as if it were about to collapse. He laid down in the couch and told me to call an ambulance and to call my mother and siblings. He knew he wasn’t well, and I knew it too.

I cried next to him, and I told him, “Dad, please don’t die!”

He looked at me and told me, “That is not up to me. I am in God’s hands.”

I remember feeling anxious and even upset with him. I wanted him to say something like, “No, daughter, I will not die. I will stay alive for all of you, so I can see you grow up.” But he didn’t.

He surrendered to a truth that he knew he couldn’t avoid—that whatever was meant to happen would happen. I remember feeling spooked by the situation and trying to understand where he was coming from.

Then he slowly got better and we went back to our normal lives. A month later, at eleven-thirty at night, I heard my mom scream. My dad was having a heart attack in his bed.

I remember the exact moment when I knew that his soul had left his body. My mother, my siblings and I were praying outside of the room while the paramedics tried to save his life. The door was closed, but I felt the presence of my dad lifting up to the ceiling of the room. A moment later, they told us he was gone. He was only forty-eight years old, starting to live the best part of his life.

I learned from my dad that we can’t control life. We can’t control the next moment, neither can we control this precise moment.

I learned what true surrender is: It’s letting go of your own life and trusting your Higher, loving power.

I’ve learned important lessons about life and death; yet, life goes on, and I forget them. I forget to let go of fear and embrace love instead. I forget to trust that everything is perfect, just the way it is now. I forget that in the biggest pain, we find the biggest love. I forget that fear is just an imaginary friend that wants to stay alive, and we feed him by ignoring him.

Yesterday, when I was falling full speed from the sky, something shifted within me.

“There is no fear, only love” was the truth I heard inside.

Today, as I was writing this piece, fear showed up and told me, “You are exposing too much of yourself,” and “What if your family doesn’t like what you are sharing in public?”.

I could see that my little buddy fear was trying to stay alive.  I decided to give him a big, fat hug, and tell him that we’ll be all right, because in the end, there is only love.

In Loving Abundance,
Mercedes

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